Against Coffee Heresy
Father Andrew Stephen Damick has a warning for Christian coffee drinkers:
Your local coffeehouse may be a hotbed of heresy. Check the following list and see how yours measures up.
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Decaf is Docetic because it only appears to be coffee.
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Instant is Apollinarian because it’s had its soul removed and replaced.
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Frappuccinos are essentially a form of Monophysitism, having their coffee nature swallowed up in milkshake.
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Chicory is Arian, not truly coffee at all but a separate creation.
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Irish coffee is Nestorian, being two natures conjoined solely by good will.
Read his whole list. It’s pretty funny. A wiseacre New York Catholic priest friend once told me that decaf coffee is a violation of Humanae Vitae because it denies the natural purpose of the bean. I would add that the longtime off-the-menu Starbucks drink, the caffe misto, is a minor form of Gnosticism, because only those initiates into the world of esoteric knowledge can partake of it.
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