Here’s a photo of the remains of the king cake we bought at Whole Foods today:

The little plastic baby is phthalate-free, and comes with instructions on how to deploy him safely. Lord have mercy, that’s Whole Foods for you. SWPLs hate they phthalates. Though I missed the umami goodness of phthalate essence, it was, in fact, quite possibly the best king cake I’ve ever eaten. Happy Mardi Gras, people.