Astrology On A First Date?
This has been getting a lot of commentary on Twitter, mostly people making fun of it:
I think she's phrased this in an immature and foolish way, but that she's basically right. Frankly, if I were going on a first date, I would want to know if she took astrology seriously. In my case, it wouldn't be because I think astrology is silly (though I do); I could handle silliness. In fact, I like eccentricity! No, I would want to know if she is into astrology because though I think it is mostly silly, I also see it as a gateway into the occult. And that is an insurmountable barrier to a romantic relationship for me. Similarly, she would no doubt want to know that I am the kind of Christian who would not get into a romantic relationship with someone who even dabbles in the occult. If she finds that crazy, fair enough: we understand each other.
When the divorce my wife filed this past spring becomes final next year, I will be free to marry again, if I want to. I'm not sure what God has in mind for me, but if I do start looking for a romantic partner again, there's no question but that she will have to be a serious traditional Christian. I can't imagine being so intimate with someone who doesn't share my faith, and my level of commitment to it. It's not a matter of "he likes travel, she likes to focus on building her nest," or "she loves the theater, he prefers movies". That kind of difference can be a lot of fun, and add interest and delight to a relationship. A faith commitment is absolutely foundation for anyone's life, so why shouldn't it be so for a life together? I couldn't imagine not being able to share that aspect of my life with my partner. What I don't know is how far that boundary should go. Only Orthodox, like me? Catholic? Protestant?
What about politics? In theory, I wouldn't care. Except we now live in a time in which politics is a reliable marker of an entire worldview, including religion. Yes, there are some Democrats who are faithful Christians, and if it were a matter of arguing over economic policies, hey, no problem. But the kinds of social and cultural issues that divide Left from Right derive from a profound moral and spiritual worldview, such that I would fear that my liberal wife and I would be arguing constantly. I think I could live and thrive within a marriage in which we were different kinds of conservatives, but not beyond that. I don't think this would have been true forty years ago, but the divisions in American life and culture have become too great. The last thing anybody wants to do at home is argue -- not "discuss" or "debate," but "argue" -- politics with their spouse.
What about other things, like, say, music? There's a funny sequence in Woody Allen's Hannah And Her Sisters, in which Allen takes Dianne Wiest to hear Bobby Short at Cafe Carlyle, and she's bored out of her mind. She takes him to a downtown rock club -- CBGB, maybe -- and he hates it hard. I don't think I could be comfortable living in that kind of relationship, unless neither one of us cared much about music. But then, what is the soundtrack at home? At my age (55), I listen to classical, classic jazz, and old-school, pre-rock popular music (e.g., Cole Porter). Basically, as a young man I was a CBGB type, but I have turned into a Cafe Carlyle guy. I once knew a couple in which the husband was about twenty years older than his new wife, and he loved go to to classical concerts and the opera. She didn't, and preferred other kinds of musical outings. They were both wonderful people, but the marriage did not last, because the radical difference in musical tastes symbolized a much deeper division between the two.
I hate to have to think about all this stuff again at this point in my life. I also listen to Byzantine and Slavic chants a fair bit these days. Maybe I'll become an old monk, and get a dog. But the dog had better love Diana Krall, is what I'm saying.
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What about you? What do you think of the astrology question? What other questions would you think are crucial to ask on a first date -- questions that would reveal whether or not this relationship has potential? By the way, that screenshot above is from this short film about how astrology led to a first-date fight. It's got some profanity, so NSFW.
UPDATE: A friend texted to say that this reads like a personal ad. Oh gosh! I'm embarrassed. I did NOT mean for that to happen! It will be a long time before I ever am interested in dating, if ever (I'm thinking: probably not ever). The astrology tweet, though, to me to wondering in general about questions that would weed out unsuitable partners. If I were going to do a personal ad, here's what it would sound like:
