Malcolm ‘Billa’ Abbott, noted Park Avenue pothead, whose parents allegedly bought his sister’s way into college (Billa video screengrab)

What would we do without our contemporary rich people? From a New York Post story so sweet and rich and buttery you just want it to sit there like a nugget of salted caramel, melting on your tongue forever. Excerpt:

Maybe this is why Gregory and Marcia Abbott allegedly bought their daughter’s way into college.

Their “rapper” son, Malcolm, popped out of the family’s Park Avenue building to smoke a giant blunt — while defending his parents and bragging about his latest CD.

“They’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion,” said Malcolm Abbott outside the home that overlooks the Metropolitan Museum of Art. “I believe everyone has a right to go to college, man.”

In between drags, Malcolm, whose father is the founder of food and beverage distributor International Dispensing Corp., admitted, “I didn’t go to college.”

Do read the whole thing, if only to see the photo of Young Master Abbott and his blunt. Like I even have to ask.