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Covid Becomes A Kink

A new study says wearing pantyhose over your mask can reduce the spread of Covid-19.
A,Criminal,Wearing,Pantyhose,Over,His,Head,To,Hide,His
(Joe Belanger/Shutterstock)

From the British tabloid Daily Mail this week: “Putting ladies PANTYHOSE over your face mask makes it better at stopping spread of Covid, study finds” (emphasis theirs). Yes, you read that correctly. For nearly two years, any sentient human being has realized Covid measures are nothing more than urban elites attempting to fill the void left by shunning traditional morality. Now, Covid kabuki theater is becoming their kink.

The new study from Cambridge University researchers investigated how effective DIY hacks for keeping masks in place—predominantly circulated on the internet—are at slowing Covid transmission. Its findings: the most effective way to secure your mask was to wrap pantyhose around your face on top of your mask.

To test the DIY hacks, the Cambridge researchers had four volunteers perform seven minutes of various exercises—including turning their heads side to side, smiling, breathing, and bending over—for each of the seven chosen mask hacks. While the volunteers moved around, the researchers documented the filtration efficiency of each mask, and calculated a score they dubbed the “fit factor.”

Their conclusions? Sliding pantyhose over your KN95 earned the highest fit factor score at 27.7, which the scientists claimed could reduce the spread of viral particles up to seven times more than a loose face mask. The runner-up? Cloth tape (to tape down the gaps in your KN95 mask) with a score of 14.7.

But before you go running to the nearest department store to pick up a pair of mask-enhancing pantyhose, Cambridge researchers observed that wearing pantyhose over your face to secure your mask is “unlikely to be tolerated for extended periods of time’” because of the social implications that could come with it. They also noted that many of these DIY hacks—taping masks to your face, putting rubber bands around your head and ears—were uncomfortable.

How astute of them.

We may never know if this is a covert effort by Big Theft to normalize bank-robber regalia. What is clear, however, is that our elite class, those that can afford pandemic closures, have jobs that allow them to work from home, seen maskless delivering public health sermons behind lecterns or smiling on the red carpet, is having a little too much fun with prolonging the pandemic. Maybe some are still true believers in the regime line that Covid is an ever-present and very deadly threat, though I doubt it. What’s more likely is the remaining hysterics are hedonists who receive an almost sexual gratification by dominating and humiliating the public.

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