Hilarious advice column from McSweeney’s . Example:
My baby daughter is turning one year old, and I don’t know if I should throw her a birthday party or not. What should I do? I’d appreciate any advice.
– One is the Loneliest Number
DO NOT reward this tiny unemployed Jew with a party. Your so-called “baby” is most likely an immigrant (read: LAZYBONES) who doesn’t contribute to her family’s income and gives terrible, poor-people gifts like HD-DVDs and sand. Unrelated question: does your baby have any spare hands?
Hope this helps,
(H/T: David Mills, who recommends an even funnier Rand parody  from McSweeney’s.)
UPDATE: Daniel McCarthy takes a more critical view  of the McSweeney’s parody.