The Social Justice Warriors at Oberlin College, perhaps the SJW-iest of the grim archipelago of SJW-dominated schools, have taken a bold, uncompromising stand over something utterly trivial. Normal college students would say, “Hey, this school cafeteria food sucks.” The SJWs say, “Hey, this school cafeteria food is offensive because it is inauthentic and appropriative of the culture of others!” From the Oberlin Review:

Diep Nguyen, a College first-year from Vietnam, jumped with excitement at the sight of Vietnamese food on Stevenson Dining Hall’s menu at Orientation this year. Craving Vietnamese comfort food, Nguyen rushed to the food station with high hopes. What she got, however, was a total disappointment. The traditional Banh Mi Vietnamese sandwich that Stevenson Dining Hall promised turned out to be a cheap imitation of the East Asian dish.

Instead of a crispy baguette with grilled pork, pate, pickled vegetables and fresh herbs, the sandwich used ciabatta bread, pulled pork and coleslaw. “It was ridiculous,” Nguyen said. “How could they just throw out something completely different and label it as another country’s traditional food?”

The horror…the horror. More:

Perhaps the pinnacle of what many students believe to be a culturally appropriative sustenance system is Dascomb Dining Hall’s sushi bar. The sushi is anything but authentic for Tomoyo Joshi, a College junior from Japan, who said that the undercooked rice and lack of fresh fish is disrespectful. She added that in Japan, sushi is regarded so highly that people sometimes take years of apprenticeship before learning how to appropriately serve it.

“When you’re cooking a country’s dish for other people, including ones who have never tried the original dish before, you’re also representing the meaning of the dish as well as its culture,” Joshi said. “So if people not from that heritage take food, modify it and serve it as ‘authentic,’ it is appropriative.”

Oberlin students from other races have gotten in on the titty-baby tantrumfest. From the NYPost:

Oberlin’s black student union joined in the fray this month by staging a protest outside Afrikan Heritage House, an on-campus dorm.

The cafeteria there wasn’t serving enough vegan and vegetarian options and had failed to make fried chicken a permanent feature on the Sunday night menu, the school newspaper reported.

Those students started a petition that also recommends the reduction of cream used in dishes, because “black American food doesn’t have much cream in it,” according to the Review.

The Review covered the black student group’s petition and subsequent protest at the dining hall, and the response by campus dining services administrator Michele Gross, who probably wants to shoot herself by now:

While Gross claims that CDS is working to meet the demands stated in the petition, many students are still concerned with the integrity and intention of Afrikan Heritage House’s space.

“We students are concerned about our safety,” said Gloria Lewis, College sophomore. “And so beyond that, it’s about having a safe space. So it’s not just the dining hall. It’s everything. It’s the posts on Yik Yak. It’s the micro-aggressions.”

Beyond the concerns of Afrikan Heritage House, Lewis said that she would like to see more oppression training held by faculty and staff on campus.

I bet she would. Béchamel is slavery! In fact, the black student group at Oberlin has delivered a 14-page set of demands to the college administration, signed by 700 emotionally disturbed malcontents. Excerpt:

[T]his institution functions on the premises of imperialism, white supremacy, capitalism, ableism, and a cissexist heteropatriarchy. Oberlin College and Conservatory uses the limited number of Black and Brown students to color in its brochures, but then erases us from student life on this campus. You profit off of our accomplishments and invisible labor, yet You expect us to produce personal solutions to institutional incompetencies. We as a College-defined “high risk,” “low income,” “disadvantaged” community should not have to carry the burden of deconstructing the white supremacist, patriarchal, capitalist system that we took no part in creating, yet is so deeply embedded in the soil upon which this institution was built.

The students demand “exclusive Black safe spaces on campus,” which is to say, segregation. And, in that other petition, fried chicken on Sundays. Think about it: ultraprogressive black students at Oberlin are demanding segregation and fried chicken.

If I were the president of Oberlin (heh), I would say, “OK, snowflakes, you want to gripe about the food? Then you’ll eat only foods culturally appropriate to Ohio. Nothing but goetta, skyline chili three-way and sauerkraut balls from now on.”

Says a reader who first alerted me to the Oberlin food fight:

Are all college students like this? Of course not. If they were, one shudders to think what they’d make of the Ramen noodle industry.

Still. Better, more authentic, more flavorful foods aren’t necessarily bad. It’s a cause you might support! But there are no longer complaints or gripes or suggestions. Only outrage. “Hey, putting ketchup on the linguini isn’t really Italian night,” becomes, “You are oppressing me with your white privilege.”

Why? Because it works. Saying that to a college administrator is like telling a self conscious girl that she looks fat in her jeans, or telling a young fella that size really does matter and, sorry pal, you don’t measure up. And threatening to do these things publicly.

No infraction is not a maximal infraction. Bad call by an official in the big game? Inauthentic gazpacho in the commissary? Too many stay-off-the-grass signs leading up to commencement?

Just like Selma.

Mole ruit sua?

That remains to be seen. Of course, I’ll be taken to the woodshed for displaying that kind of privilege.

But yes. The only response is mockery. Analysis is pointless. We need legions of pot smoking kids to mock them. We need South Park just as much or more than we need First Things. I know that’s a false choice. But the most important thing wild not be to get Camille Paglia yelling at these kids on campus. You need Chris Rock to get back on campus.

Fried chicken. As if any college administrator ANYWHERE would ever suggest that the dining halls should serve it more often to satisfy the black kids on campus. Can you imagine?

So now they are in trouble for NOT saying that.

And the administration dutifully calls in the PR team to accommodate.

Screw the politics. That’s HILARIOUS. From a conservative point of view, look at what these people made of themselves.

It’s classic comedy.

Lux et veritas, baby.