Look at that beast, would you? Tonight that deer burst through the bedroom window of some folks who live down the street, and tore the house to hell and back before they were able to pin it down, drag it outside, and kill it with a butcher knife. The bedroom is covered with blood from the deer’s glass cuts. It’s a blessing that the five year old girl whose bedroom it is wasn’t in the room at the time.

Can you imagine? See, this is why I never go out into nature. There are all these creatures just lying in wait to savage us. They don’t even wait anymore, they just burst right through your window, like they were Sasquatch and this was The Legend of Boggy Creek, or something.

(Seriously, this really happened on my street tonight. Stupid deer.)