fbpx
Politics Foreign Affairs Culture Fellows Program

Cop Widows and Their Fatherless Children

A mother of two who lost her husband reacts to Baton Rouge and Dallas police murders
13710012_10157258904480602_7080833179059280553_n

A reader who is a widow and a mother writes in the wake of the Baton Rouge shooting. I know her; she is a churchgoing Christian who does not curse. But she curses below. I’ve left the words in, but bowdlerized, because I want you to feel the raw emotion in this e-mail:

I can’t get the comments box to let me type, so I am sending you my thoughts here.

Any clue what it is like to be a single parent? To be a fatherless child?

Any clue how much energy it takes to keep the house functioning with bills paid, maintenance done, and meals cooked?

Any idea how hard it is to look forward to a day when you have no one to tell about the mundane stuff, like the freezer that went out and wasted the entire batch of meat you bought two days ago or the memory of that family trip or how your mom made potato soup?

Any idea how hard it is to find energy to pay attention to what your kids are looking at on their computers and phones when you are simply trying to find energy to face another day in a life you never wanted?

Any idea how it is to help a 16 year old adjust when he now easily looks over your head, his voice is changing, and he has no one to teach him to shave?

Any idea what you say to your 19 year old daughter who has decided not to date because the reason you date is so you can find a life mate and who will walk her down the aisle since her dad isn’t here?

Any idea how hard you cry when you son looks at you and says, “Mom, I don’t remember the sound of Dad’s voice anymore”?

I keep reading this rhetoric about politics and guns and who to blame, and the truth is it is just that, rhetoric. No one has any plans to do anything to fix any of it. They just want to bitch and point fingers and protect their own interests. You know where I am on this right now? F–k them. F–k them and their rhetoric. Those questions are pointless, empty bulls–t. Let’s ask some real question and come up with some real answers.

If we look beyond the rhetoric, the real issue is men being strong leaders. The real issue is breakdown of family, of family values, of security, safety, respect. In 10 days we have lost eight leaders. Who is going to step in and fill those holes so those kids don’t grow up disconnected? We talk about being politically disenfranchised. F–k that. Let’s get to the real issue. The real issue is being emotionally disenfranchised. Who is going to help these kids find their way? Who is going to help these exhausted moms get up day after day and still have enough emotional and mental energy to be moms and not just the machine that makes money to keep roof over their head and food in their mouths.

Being a parent is so much more than financially providing. We live in utter chaos because parents have quit providing emotionally and mentally. Look at any of these shooters. Show me one that is really connected and has strong mental and emotional support and connections. You won’t find one, so it seems to me if we want to heal our communities, we need to step up and support the moms who are going one hell of a hard road alone. We need to be the surrogate parents. Who is going to do that? THAT is what we need to be talking about. We need to be talking about how society as a whole is failing.

I hope your book about the Benedict Option addresses issues like this because my concern is that people are going to be looking for ways to protect and provide for themselves and their families, but a real Benedict Option provides for those who are hurting and in need, not just physical need but emotional and mental need. We are only as strong as our weakest members, and right now, there are children and wives/mothers who are incredibly vulnerable and broken beyond words. They may have the strength to keep getting out of bed every day, but make no mistake about it, their hearts are broken and their spirits are crushed. They will only heal with God’s hand, and it is time for the rhetoric to stop and the hand of God to reach out through the hands of His people.

At least that is how it looks from my (fatherless) table.

Advertisement

Comments

Want to join the conversation?

Subscribe for as little as $5/mo to start commenting on Rod’s blog.

Join Now