This 1991 promotional video for the cheap steakhouse chain Sizzler is the most perfect thing of its kind ever made. To be an American is to be fresh-looking, to have straight teeth, and to incarnate liberty by exercising our God-given right to build our own individual salads. Our forefathers came to this land for a new birth of freedom, for baked potatoes and dessert bars overflowing with soft-serve ice cream in a chocolaty Wellbutrin sauce.

If you want to know where this sort of thing comes from, look no further than that Sizzler video of consumerist zombies. It would turn any sentient human into Johnny Rotten.