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Bringing Our Gathered Stupidity To The World

Now that John Bolton is set to resign as U.N. Ambassador when his recess appointment expires, a couplepeople are again mentioning the possibility of Rick Santorum as a replacement.  Don’t just laugh this idea to scorn or shout your derision from the rooftops–think about all the possible benefits of a Santorum nomination.

Once nominated, he could speak as convincingly about the Venezuelan threat to Argentina as any nominee to this post ever has.  Think about the genius of this.  He could make any future confirmation vote as lopsided as the election returns from Pennsylvania.  The resulting 59-41 defeat would show the Democrats as harsh obstructionists who obviously want Chilean guano resources to fall into the hands of Hugo Chavez.  What a public relations coup!

But it could be even better if he could be confirmed.  Imagine how much more interesting life at the U.N. would be if Santorum somehow won a confirmation battle and represented U.S. interests to the world.  He could be to international relations what John Ashcroft was to law enforcement!  Each time Hugo Chavez gave a speech denouncing Mr. Bush as “the sulfrous devil,” Santorum could go one better and declare Chavez to be the incandescently burning, ash-spewing, sulfrous devil and a new Hitler all rolled into one.  If Chavez says, “North American imperialism,” Santorum could say, “South American imperialism.”  Take that, Hugo!  There is no doubt that no one could represent America to the rest of the world in quite the same way that Rick Santorum could. 

Unfortunately, Mr. Bush probably does not share the same vision of the titanic struggle for the future of Bolivia and Uruguay that Santorum and his fans do and will nominate some State Department dweeb who thinks that there is something called “international law,” which we all know is just something that the Axis powers made up to trick us and keep us from stopping their return from the grave.

about the author

Daniel Larison is a senior editor at TAC, where he also keeps a solo blog. He has been published in the New York Times Book Review, Dallas Morning News, World Politics Review, Politico Magazine, Orthodox Life, Front Porch Republic, The American Scene, and Culture11, and was a columnist for The Week. He holds a PhD in history from the University of Chicago, and resides in Lancaster, PA. Follow him on Twitter.

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