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Penzey: Is Pope A Jerk Or A Dill Weed?

In recent spice sales pitch, the Wokest Capitalist blames Pope Francis for LGBT suicides
Screen Shot 2021-04-11 at 7.19.54 PM

Back in 2016, I wrote about what a monster raving left-wing loony Bill Penzey — the CEO of Penzeys Spices — is. He has a habit of sending out e-mails that vividly insult anyone to the right of Alan Alda. I switched my spice custom to The Spice House, a high-quality spice trader from the same family, but without the politics and spite.

Well, a reader of this blog who has been a longtime customer of Penzeys, and who is a Democrat, sent me the correspondence exchange she had with Bill Penzey in response to this ad campaign he sent to his customer e-mail list:

 

 

Ends Tonight

 

I have to say, challenging the direction of the Catholic Church leads to far better email back-and-forths than challenging what happened to the Republican Party. At this point the Republican Party is, for all intents and purposes, a cult. The proof that the Church really isn’t one is in just how many people are now leaving it out of conscience over its leaders’ treatment of the LGBTQ community. Cult followers eat up power and cruelty. That so many have the inner moral courage to object to those with the power shows the Church is still doing something right.

People email asking what we hope to achieve in calling out the Pope’s cruelty. This was my latest attempt from this afternoon at a response:

The Catholic Church is the largest and most powerful religious organization on the planet. Where they lead others will follow. It’s time for them to admit the two thousand year old bigotry towards gay people the Bible holds is not in keeping with the teachings of Christ and has no place in the Church. If history is any guide, and it always is, the only way to change the Church is to make its current stance unsustainable and keep at it no matter what tools they deploy to distract and deflect.

People are fleeing the Church in droves over this. Their current position is already unsustainable. Now it is just a matter of how quickly we can get them to admit this.

When we first set out to promote marriage equality in earnest it only had an approval rating in the low twenties percentile. I remember having a conversation with David Carter, my longest lifetime friend and Penzeys COO, who more than makes up for my weaknesses as Penzeys CEO. Our sense at the time was marriage equality was a thirty-year project, but we agreed if our efforts could shave one day off that thirty years we will have done well. It ultimately only took fifteen years. We weren’t that entire difference by any means, but what we learned is once you show people something better, their desire for that better thing can overcome obstacles that at first sure seem to be mountains.

To me this Church project has that same thirty-year feel to it. But who knows? Change is inevitable. At this point the Catholic Church is not child safe. No one knows which four-year-old sitting quietly in a pew will go on to be that ten-year-old already fully understanding what part of the LGBTQ spectrum God has placed them on. For that child to sit unsupported through all the tales of hell and accusations of their love being sin, there can seem to be no way out. For any church to do this to a child that is exactly how God made them is nothing short of child abuse.

A church that is not safe for children has no future. Ultimately the choice will have to be a loving God and the compassion of Christ or keeping alive the bigotry of two thousand years ago. Both here is not an option. That better Catholic Church is inevitable. The only question is, how many more LGBTQ+ young people will be pushed over the edge before that happens. The Church leaders know what this is doing to attendance and membership. It’s time for them to find that same inner moral courage of those with the strength to leave and make the changes God is clearly forcing their hand to make.

But until that time it has to be regular pressure because that’s what history has shown to work. So, the Pope saying God believes gay love a sin while knowing full well God is actually the creator of gay love, is that a Jerk thing to do or merely a Dill Weed (oblivious, out-of-touch, naive) thing to do? This time both is an option. Vote with your dollars. Through today Jerk Pork and Jerk Chicken & Fish and Dill Weed are half-price with all dollars going to The Trevor Project, whose kind people save the very lives the Pope has now put so cruelly at risk. Click that link to give to them directly. They will put your money to good use.

And while our Jerk and Dill inventory is kind of depleted at this point, we are still well-stocked with our regularly $2.49-$5.95 Rainbow Spices for just $2 each and once again all dollars here go to the Trevor Project. Midnight is also your last chance for a free $3.95 Choose Love Magnet and $9.95 Embrace Hope Pin with any purchase. We added this free $13.90 combined value to nudge you into buying something that starts you supporting the Trevor Project and have you taking another step in supporting LGBTQ+ equality. You might not think you need a magnet and a pin, but these ones you do.

No coupons or codes are needed for any of these offers. Just visit us at penzeys.com. If you are planning a touchless pickup at one of our stores, you don’t need to pick up tonight, just place your order tonight and anytime in the next few days is fine.

I had hoped to share my recipe for Penzeys Curry roasted cauliflower here, but I’m already a good half hour past my deadline for these words. I promise to share my recipe this weekend when we bring the focus back to healthy for this, National Public Health Week. But on that very topic, please be sure every young person being raised in any religion that does not respect all the ways God makes people knows The Trevor Project’s 1-866-488-7386 Lifeline. A lifetime of regret sucks. Please do all you can to avoid it.

And a shorter, Pope Francis if you’re listening: Your Church needs to come with a toll-free number to stop your young people from killing themselves. Do you really envision this is what Jesus wanted the impact of his love for this world to be? Act Now. Your Time is Running Out!

Thanks for being kind enough to cook. Thanks for making us possible,

Bill

 

Well.

The reader called him out for gratuitously insulting Catholics based on false information. She began by citing facts, and tried to engage him in dialogue. But he just ranted at her. There’s no point in reproducing the exchange here; it’s about what you would expect. In one of her letters to him, she wrote:

Please educate yourself about Catholicism. You are repeating history and parroting lines straight out of the anti-Catholic, anti-immigrant Know-Nothing movement of the 19th century.

And:

I’ve spent hundreds of dollars at your store over the years, on myself and on others. No more. You don’t seem to realize that you are at least as ignorant, and perhaps more attached to hatred, self-righteousness, and intolerance, as those against whom you rail in your sales campaigns. A sales strategy that cynically exploits the divisions between people is repellent to me, but, judging from the way things are going in our country, it should work very well for you.

If you are a Catholic who shops at Penzeys, I urge you to start ordering from The Spice House. The spices are just as good and maybe better, and they don’t shower the Pope with contempt, blaming him for LGBT suicides.

A guy on Facebook has a “Goodbye, Penzeys” page, featuring a video of him dumping a jar of Penzeys Northwoods spice blend. That’s where I got the screenshot above.

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