Home/Rod Dreher/London Needs Coonasses

London Needs Coonasses

I ga-ron-tee!:

[London authorities] have been forced to issue a new warning following reports that an invasive breed of crayfish has swamped the open-air pools and begun nipping swimmers in intimate places.

It is a particularly sensitive problem in the Men’s Pond, where many bathers prefer to swim in the nude.

The culprits are Red Swamp Crayfish, a non-native species known for their aggressive behaviour and long claws. First spotted in the north London park around 20 years ago, they are now multiplying at such a rate that around 5,000 of them are said to be colonising the ponds.

Crawfish in Hampstead Heath? This ain’t a problem, y’all; this is dinner. Pray to Justin Wilson (above) for guidance, then call in some Cajuns. Y’all get in touch with me — I’ll hook you up.

about the author

Rod Dreher is a senior editor at The American Conservative. He has written and edited for the New York Post, The Dallas Morning News, National Review, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, the Washington Times, and the Baton Rouge Advocate. Rod’s commentary has been published in The Wall Street Journal, Commentary, the Weekly Standard, Beliefnet, and Real Simple, among other publications, and he has appeared on NPR, ABC News, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, and the BBC. He lives in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, with his wife Julie and their three children. He has also written four books, The Little Way of Ruthie Leming, Crunchy Cons, How Dante Can Save Your Life, and The Benedict Option.

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