You shouldn’t have done it, but believe me, I know just how you felt. If I were the judge in this case, I would give you time served while secretly high-fiving a million angels.

UPDATE:  My life will be greatly improved when someone invents an emoticon that conveys this sentiment: I don’t really mean this; I’m using hyperbole to make a point.  

UPDATE.2: Cosimanian Orthodoxy provides an elegant solution. From the combox:

The man is a fool.  You don’t slap a child.  What you do is use a little gadget about the size of your hand that puts out sound, about 125 decibels (same as a jet engine) and around 21,000 hz.  Adults cannot hear it.  Children find it unbearably painful.