Great stuff from The Kernel. Excerpts from their list of things you need to write about and how you need to write about them:

9. Why Are Women Under-represented in Tech and How Can We Change That?

If you are a woman or an effeminate male, you can always run off a piece on why women are being unjustly under-represented in tech. You should probably quote someone from one of the multitude of “women in tech” organisations and be sure to use Ellen Pao as an example.

Start by talking about teaching STEM in high schools, and why many women tend to focus on lifestyle companies. As a counterclaim, you should probably Google a list of women who, without them, the Internet would not exist. That really gets the sisterhood going!

Use a personal anecdote, because people will be unable to argue with the claims of your experience.

For extra points, you can write about other minorities like blacks, Latinos, Pacific Islanders and Native Americans. Though, unfortunately, you may only write about the hottest gay tech entrepreneurs if you are writing for a gay magazine, because no one really cares which entrepreneurs are gay.

More:

14. Gamification.

There is nothing that cannot and should not be gamified. Gamification is like mayonnaise: it improves everything. So wax poetic about how gamification is the next stage of the internet and how everything can be and is being gamified.

This is distinct from your typical “disruption” article, because you will want to show how every company must incorporate basic gamification principles into their design or die. Give examples of how “normal” companies are employing gamification.

Talk about how gamification has changed your life, and how you regularly employ gamification to get out of bed, to do the dishes and have longer-lasting and more rewarding sexual intercourse with your significant other.

The whole thing is funny, because so accurate.