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Ayn Randers Gets You Sorted

Hilarious advice column from McSweeney’s. Example:

Dear Ayn,

My baby daughter is turning one year old, and I don’t know if I should throw her a birthday party or not. What should I do? I’d appreciate any advice.

– One is the Loneliest Number

Dear One,

DO NOT reward this tiny unemployed Jew with a party. Your so-called “baby” is most likely an immigrant (read: LAZYBONES) who doesn’t contribute to her family’s income and gives terrible, poor-people gifts like HD-DVDs and sand. Unrelated question: does your baby have any spare hands?

Hope this helps,
Ayn

(H/T: David Mills, who recommends an even funnier Rand parody from McSweeney’s.)

UPDATE: Daniel McCarthy takes a more critical view of the McSweeney’s parody.

about the author

Rod Dreher is a senior editor at The American Conservative. He has written and edited for the New York Post, The Dallas Morning News, National Review, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, the Washington Times, and the Baton Rouge Advocate. Rod’s commentary has been published in The Wall Street Journal, Commentary, the Weekly Standard, Beliefnet, and Real Simple, among other publications, and he has appeared on NPR, ABC News, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, and the BBC. He lives in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, with his wife Julie and their three children. He has also written four books, The Little Way of Ruthie Leming, Crunchy Cons, How Dante Can Save Your Life, and The Benedict Option.

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