Epidemiologists: Pre-emptive Wars Necessary, Justified, Only Hope in Case of Zombie Invasion
by JL Wall
Zombiepocalypse is definitely scenario in which I’m more than willing to break out the “overwhelming force”:
Even so, their analysis revealed that a strategy of capturing or curing the zombies would only put off the inevitable.
In their scientific paper, the authors conclude that humanity’s only hope is to “hit them [the undead] hard and hit them often”.
They added: “It’s imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly or else… we are all in a great deal of trouble.”
And they offer strategic advice:
“My understanding of zombie biology is that if you manage to decapitate a zombie then it’s dead forever. So perhaps they are being a little over-pessimistic when they conclude that zombies might take over a city in three or four days,” he said.
Our only hope may lie with the creation and training of a secret, specialized squad highly skilled in traditional hand-to-hand combat and biologically immune to zombie-bites…
Filed under: foreign affairs, war
Couldn’t think up an actual column, eh?
Zombies are not to be trifled with, Adam R.
What would be really cool, though, is if a secret government weapons program dropped photosensitive zombies into war zones at night to destroy the enemy population in the Middle East. What could go wrong?
That, and killer-robots.
And “Old Glory” Robot Insurance, for when the robots come for you (and they will).
[...] UPDATE #2: JL Wall [...]