Bill Simmons’s latest contains what may well be the most insane Ron Artest story of all time:

Here’s what happened: Artest missed the first two team buses (the ones for players, coaches and team personnel) from Houston’s hotel to the Staples Center and barely made the third and final bus, which was reserved for business staff, sponsors and friends of the team. These stunned people watched Artest sprint to the bus right before it left, jump on and take one of the remaining seats … yes, wearing only his underwear. Owner Leslie Alexander happened to be sitting on the bus and witnessed the whole thing. And you wonder why the Houston Rockets didn’t make any effort whatsoever to bring back Artest.

As someone who still remembers exactly where he was when Artest went charging into the stands in Auburn Hills, I was inclined at first to say that I expected this sort of thing. But that would be wrong; I didn’t expect this, and you didn’t expect it, and indeed it’s a prime candidate for the sort of thing that wasn’t even expected by God himself. Which raises some questions: Has Simmons or anyone else put together a Crazy Athlete Hall of Fame? Along with Artest, Dennis Rodman, and Manny Ramirez, what other athletes of the ‘90s and aughts would be likely first-ballot inductees? How about athletes from earlier generations?

Exercise left to reader.

     Filed under: sports