Pigs May Not Fly, But Pork Can Still Zoom By

MINT-AND-CORN COUNTRY, INDIANA — One of the more trivial effects of my grandfather’s passing this summer is that I have the opportunity to peruse copies of TIME and Newsweek as his subscriptions follow him toward earthly cessation. (Presumably, he’s able to read them still, for surely Purgatory is the final and ultimate postmortem destination of [...]

Florida GOP looks West, who dangerously looks to the East

SOVIET ARLINGTON — Though I had heard his name mentioned a time or two, I keep myself sufficiently out of touch with the FOX News/Weekly Standard/National Review crowd not to have known much of anything about Lt. Col. Allen West (Ret.). My first inkling that I’d not think highly of him came as I stood [...]

Person of the Year: Ron Paul

People often mistake being named Time‘s “Person of the Year” as an honor, but that men as sinister as Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin and Rudy Giuliani have all been given the title suggests otherwise. According to Time, the award is primarily a recognition of influence and by that measure the 2009 selection of Federal Reserve [...]

Weather of Mass Destruction

When our government was insisting that we go to war with Iraq, I told anyone who would listen that it didn’t make any sense, that Saddam Hussein did not pose any threat to the US and our leaders were simply up to no good. My conservative friends angrily disagreed, almost in unison, declaring that the [...]

Obama Adopts the Bush Doctrine

With his speech on our war in Afghanistan this week, the president who once preached “change” fully embraced his predecessor’s most dangerous idea: The Bush Doctrine. Describing this doctrine at West Point in 2001, said then President George W. Bush: “If we wait for threats to materialize, we will have waited too long. The war [...]

“Maverick” Lindsey Graham

When the Charleston County Republican Party censured South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham last month, the official statement read that Graham: “in the name of bipartisanship — continues to weaken the Republican brand and tarnish the ideals of freedom, rule of law, and fiscal conservatism.” That some Republicans-any Republicans-would dare treat Graham as a traitor for [...]

What Is Sarah Palin?

Why do so many people love Sarah Palin? Why do so many hate her? I cannot recall a politician in recent memory that has been both so loved and so reviled for no discernible reason. When Palin was announced as John McCain’s running mate on the 2008 Republican presidential ticket many conservatives were intrigued, including [...]

The Conservative as Victim

This video of excited Sarah Palin fans at a book signing in Ohio tells you almost everything you need to know about contemporary conservatism.  These people are Palin’s biggest fans, and they presumably read given that they are all preparing to purchase books, yet almost none of them know Palin’s stance on any political issue [...]

Dear The Onion, Please write this article.

MINT-AND-CORN COUNTRY, INDIANA — I can see it now. In preparation for the 2012 primaries, or maybe in a heated battle for the leadership of the GOP, a motley bunch of Republicans sell themselves in a most familiar way. Mr. Romney: And my view, we’re going to have to bring together the same coalition that [...]

The Washington Post, Kraft introduce new Kool-Aid® flavor: Obama

MINT-AND-CORN COUNTRY, INDIANA — Call my Tuesday-morning mind boggled. Eugene Robinson has just flipped the world upside down with a startlingly bizarre piece of disinformative agitprop. Glass one, not yet overly sweetened: It’s been a year since a healthy majority of American voters elected Barack Obama to change the world. Which is precisely what he’s [...]