And now, for something completely delightful: Shakespeare as written by Dr. Seuss. Highlights:

“Peaseblossom and Mustardseed, bring me some brew!” said the Ass on the Grass to Thing One and Thing Two.

I do not bite my thumb at you. I bite my thumb, though. Yes, I do!

I sat there with Juliet./We sat there, we two,/And I said, ‘How I wish/I were no Montague.’

Oh look! Here comes Malvolio! Those yellow stockings have to go!

Why do you yet speak, Benedick? I hate your words, they make me sick.

Last week you spat on my beard and after that you jeered and jeered. And now you would be pals I see? Antonio’s no friend to me.

Here’s another, made of lead: which one? Quickly? Use your head!

I will not kill him with a sword. I will not kill my Scottish lord. I will not stab him in the back. I do not want to, Lady Mac.Tomorrow once, tomorrow twice, I think I’ll say tomorrow thrice; this petty pace creeps day today until the time all goes away.

Scots with sticks come. Scots with stocks come. Scots with sticks and stocks and glocks come.

Cordelia loves me? No, I say!/Make my daughter go away!/But was I wrong? Was she not bad?/Maybe I am going mad!

Stop! You must not Hop On Top of Pop! Or divide his kingdom between yourselves and send him out alone into a raging storm.

Hamlet is particularly popular:

Who’s that, who’s there? I said, who’s there? Is that Horatio on the stairs?

Seems, dear madam? Seems, you say? I know not seems, I must say nay!

That ghost looks somewhat like my dad/ I thought he died, this must be bad.

To keep it up or call it quits?/These natural shocks give me the fits!/It seems to me that I forgot/Did I decide to be? Or not?

Would you, could you, while at prayer? Kill him! Kill him! He is there!

Do you see Dad? Not two months dead? I see him Mum, beside your bed.

Unbated and envenom’d, too? Tell me, Laertes, what you planned to do?

Rest now, prince, let angels sing. Fortinbras shall be our king.

“And To Think That I Saw It At Elsinore Castle”. No, wait, that wasn’t Seuss, that was Horatio.