To say that terrorists and adversary nations want to hobble the president with a Democrat Congress is not to say that the Dems are in league with bin Laden or Kim Jong-il. ~Jed Babbin, The American Spectator

Via Clark Stooksbury (who describes Babbin as “about ready for the lollipop factory”)

It’s refreshing to have this kind of bipartisan amity in a time of war, isn’t it?  “Your victory will aid the enemies of this country–of course, I wouldn’t possibly dream of suggesting that you are actually working for foreign governments and terrorists.  But, just for the record, are you working for them?” 

Now Mr. Babbin is worried that nefarious foreign agents of influence are working hard to tip the influence against the GOP in the midterms.  (Remember, kids, these are the people who regard talk of an Israel Lobby as crazy and far-out conspiracy theory.)  We can’t be too careful!  The dangers are legion and might appear at any time!  For example, have you ever considered this scenario? 

It’s a very good thing that Osama bin Laden isn’t as smart as he thinks he is. If he were, he’d send one of those European-looking al-Q members to Havana to kill Castro. With Fidel dead and the assassin suitably shot to pieces, the world would be in an instant uproar, and we’d see a media feeding frenzy in Turtle Bay that would make the UN look like the courthouse in the Michael Jackson trial. America would be blamed and Chavez (Fidel’s most ardent admirer and greatest supporter since Brezhnev) would go to Havana personally to supervise the restoration of the Castro regime. The Cuban-American community would be up in arms — literally — and President Bush would be caught in the middle. And what a fine mess that would be. Like I said, it’s a good thing OBL isn’t that smart. But both Bad Vlad Putin and his funny-named sidekick, Hu Jintao, are.

His “funny-named sidekick”?  Mr. Babbin really does want a war with China.  If that turn of events sounds slightly unlikely to you, perhaps you will be wowed by Mr. Babbin’s powers of prognostication:

I think the Dems have missed the single key point: Americans believe that the real reason we haven’t suffered another 9-11 is that we’re wreaking havoc on the terrorists Over There. They understand that the best defense of their homes and families is an offense that takes the battle to the enemy. Prediction #2: Americans have assimilated the Iraq conflict sufficiently to reduce its impact this year. Unless something catastrophic happens, Iraq will be only a marginal factor in voters’ decisions.

Certainly the average American voter’s grasp of geography is roughly this good.  Afghanistan and Iraq really are just places in a big land called Overthereistan, and if you are fighting them Over There you can’t possibly be fighting them here!  Ha ha!  Why didn’t I think of that?  Except that a majority believes the war has increased the threat to the United States, a majority believes the war is a mistake and Americans are beginning to turn towards some form of gradual withdrawal, believing that “we” have done enough for Iraq.  Hard-core supporters of the GOP are still true believers, but independents and “moderate” Republicans are running away from this war in droves.  What is more, every poll taken lists Iraq as the single most important issue this election, as it should be, while Mr. Babbin thinks that the public has just gotten used to it and won’t think on it too much.  Those opposed to the war are particularly energised about the midterms, while quite a few supporters are dispirited by the string of setbacks this year and the apparent lack of any workable strategy.  Rather than face this, Mr. Babbin concocts all sorts of anxiety-ridden scenarios in which Putin (who just might have more pressing things to worry about in the Caucasus and North Korea at present) and Mr. Funny-Name are preparing to…change the control of Congress!  Have you ever heard anything so dastardly?  We could retaliate in kind, of course (and it goes without saying that we have never interfered in any other nation’s elections, because that would be Very Wrong), but Putin and Hu are clever enough to have legislatures for which elections are either fairly irrelevant or do not exist.  Those guys with funny names are really clever! 

This disillusionment with the administration and GOP majority, believe it or not, is not the result of the clever terrorist manipulation of our television signals, nor the fruit of an ingenious intelligence operation by the FSB.  Neither is it the product of mass brainwashing achieved by polluting our precious bodily fluids.  Our purity of essence remains intact, Mr. Babbin, and no amount of Chinese flouride will change that.  No, it may have something to do with the administration’s manifest failure on matters of policy. 

But Hu Jintao (you know, the guy with the funny name) couldn’t take a chance with something so important as the American midterm elections!  We will discover in the end that Mark Foley was actually a member of the People’s Liberation Army (Internet Branch) all along and had been lying in wait for 12 years to bring down the GOP with him in an act of political subversion so brilliant that no one would ever see it coming (except for the members of the House GOP leadership who knew about the problem in advance).  How did he get the NRCC to think that it was their idea to have him run for re-election this year?  These foreign agents are really good at what they do, obviously.  That must be it.