Are all deteriorating empires defined by bread and circuses? If it be so, the GOP primary race is doing a marvelous job providing them.

On Friday, Herman Cain suspended his campaign for presidency, amid allegations of a 13-year-affair. Or as The Onion put it, ‎”Rumors of Extramarital Affair End Campaign of Presidential Candidate Who Didn’t Know China Has Nuclear Weapons.” It appears even The Onion can no longer compete with the comedy of the actual campaigns of this election cycle; they’re just running with the raw material.

Perhaps there’s another reason Cain is backing out. Maybe he ran out of quotes from   “Pokémon: The Movie?” Cain has admitted to using a quotation from the animated children’s film at least four times during his campaign. 

With Cain no longer able to keep his head in the game, that leaves Romney, Gingrich, Paul, Bachmann, Huntsman, Rick Perry, and oft-ignored Gary Johnson (who is now considering a run under the Libertarian Party’s banner). Gingrich naturally thinks he’s going to be the nominee, and despite cries of inconsistency from conservative commentators and opponents, his poll numbers are rising. Donald Trump is moderating a GOP debate which Jon Huntsman and Ron Paul have refused to attend, prompting the following response from Donald Trump’s hair:

Few people take Ron Paul seriously and many of his views and presentation make him a clown-like candidate… I am glad he and Jon Huntsman, who has inconsequential poll numbers or a chance of winning, will not be attending the debate and wasting the time of the viewers who are trying very hard to make a very important decision…”

“Clown-like.”

And this is the state of the GOP. Come one, come all, to the greatest show on Earth!