OK, OK, would y’all please stop sending me this story about the lesbian polygamist threesome and their turkey baster? Some Dreherbait is so genre-defining that I cannot handle the perfection of it. It’s like being at the Prytania in Paradise. Excerpt:

No state in the union recognizes three-way marriages — but these women insist their unconventional union is very real to them.

“In our eyes, we are married,” said Brynn, 34, a computer programmer.

“We had specialist lawyers draw up paperwork so our assets are equally divided.”

Brynn and Kitten were married 2½ years ago in Massachusetts, before adding Doll to their household mix.

The youngest of the three, Kitten, 27, is six months pregnant via an unknown sperm donor.

“The three of us have always wanted kids and wanted to grow our family,” said Kitten.

“We decided that I’d be the one to carry the babies because I’d like to be a full-time [mother].”

The women sleep together in the same bed, and have sex as a threesome — as well as in pairs — they told The Sun.

I don’t suppose I have to tell you that I think these are weirdos who are going to ruin the life of this poor kid they’re bringing into the world, and any other children unfortunate enough to be born into this situation. One of the many readers who sent this link to me commended this so-called “throuple” for not suing the state to accommodate their disordered arrangement. D’accord. But what if they did? What right does the state have to deny these consenting adults a three-way marriage? I know, I know, it’ll never happen…

 

UPDATE: A full, and fully illustrated, report from the ceremony itself. The hathos, it burns…