Honestly, Oberlin. Honestly:

To the Oberlin community:

Early this morning, there was a report of a person wearing a hood and robe resembling a KKK outfit between South and the Edmonia Lewis Center and in the vicinity of African Heritage House. This report is being investigated by both Safety & Security and the Oberlin Police Department. This event, in addition to the series of other hate-related incidents on campus, has precipitated our decision to suspend formal classes and all non-essential activities for today, Monday, March 4, 2013, and gather for a series of discussions of the challenging issues that have faced our community in recent weeks.

We hope today will allow the entire community-students, faculty, and staff-to make a strong statement about the values that we cherish here at Oberlin: inclusion, respect for others, and a strong and abiding faith in the worth of every individual. Indeed, the strength of Oberlin comes from our belief that diversity and openness enriches us all, and enhances the educational mission at its core.

We ask that all students, faculty and staff participate in the events planned for today:

12PM | Lord Lounge, Afrikan Heritage House
Teach-in led by Africana Studies Department

2PM | Wilder Bowl
Demonstration of solidarity

3:30PM | Finney Chapel
Community convocation: “We Stand Together” (previously scheduled for Wednesday 3/6 at 12PM)

When faced with difficult situations, Oberlin has consistently met the challenges and affirmed its commitment to the highest quality of education and the noblest aspirations of its community members. We believe that today’s events—and our ongoing work and discussions—will strengthen Oberlin and will strengthen us all.

Marvin Krislov
President

Sean Decatur
Dean, Arts & Sciences

David Stull
Dean, Conservatory of Music

Eric Estes
Dean of Students

These are actual adults. Who run a college. Attended by adults. In theory, at least.

Two students have been identified as behind the racist graffiti attacks preceding the Phantom Klucker sighting. Of course this will surely turn out to have been a series of ugly agitprop stunts staged by  activists trying to Raise Awareness. We will find this out in 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1.

This is like the secular liberal version of a hillbilly Bible college have a collective conniption because somebody thinks they saw a devil worshiper peeing in a parking lot. Those Oberlin people are an excitable bunch. Get this: there was only one witness to this Phantom Klucker, and … well, read for yourself:

Lt Mike McCloskey of Oberlin police told the Guardian on Monday that officers were still following up the KKK sighting, but suggested that the only witness may have been mistaken.

“Officers checked the area and were unable to locate anybody. College security later saw a student wrapped in a blanket.”

They shut the college down and are forcing everyone to go to a day of political re-education and communal shrieking because of Linus Van Pelt.

It costs over $50,000 per year to attend this pants-wetting academy.