… then don’t mow the grass in the middle of the day. That’s my lesson of the day here. As I was finishing cutting the grass this morning, soaked with sweat, I felt dizzy, and heard my heartbeat galloping. I stored the mower away, came inside, drank a glass of cold water, and took a cold shower. Got dressed, and came into the living room to sit down. My wife walked in, said, “Your face is bright red!” I noticed that I was once again soaked in sweat, even though the house was quite cool from the air conditioning.

It turns out this was what heat exhaustion is like. I was supposed to go meet a friend who’s an EMT for lunch, but he advised instead cooling me off putting ice packs under my arms and, uh, in other strategic places (which is how I ended up with a bag of frozen pineapple chunks on my Pussy Riot lap).

I always thought “heat exhaustion” was what happened to old people in the summertime. Now I am an old person. Crap. Well, at least when I yell at you kids to get off my lawn, said lawn will be nicely clipped.