If You Can’t Stand The Heat

By Rod Dreher • August 17, 2012, 11:15 PM

… then don’t mow the grass in the middle of the day. That’s my lesson of the day here. As I was finishing cutting the grass this morning, soaked with sweat, I felt dizzy, and heard my heartbeat galloping. I stored the mower away, came inside, drank a glass of cold water, and took a cold shower. Got dressed, and came into the living room to sit down. My wife walked in, said, “Your face is bright red!” I noticed that I was once again soaked in sweat, even though the house was quite cool from the air conditioning.

It turns out this was what heat exhaustion is like. I was supposed to go meet a friend who’s an EMT for lunch, but he advised instead cooling me off putting ice packs under my arms and, uh, in other strategic places (which is how I ended up with a bag of frozen pineapple chunks on my ~~Pussy Riot~~ lap).

I always thought “heat exhaustion” was what happened to old people in the summertime. Now I am an old person. Crap. Well, at least when I yell at you kids to get off my lawn, said lawn will be nicely clipped.

Posted in Whatever!.

27 Responses to If You Can’t Stand The Heat

AnotherBeliever says:

August 17, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Rod, you idiot, it doesn’t just happen to old people. It happens to perfectly healthy young people in athletics and in the military, who have been known to require IVs or admission to a hospital overnight or longer. And heat stroke can actually kill you. Oh well, at least the friend you were supposed to meet with was an EMT. He could have pulled the IV out of his go bag if you’d needed it. Future reference, rest/work schedule for your heat and humidity index:

http://www.osha.gov/SLTC/heatillness/heat_index/work_rest_schedules.html

Also, one experience of heat exhaustion can leave you more sensitive to the heat exhaustion for years. Keep that in mind and save the lawn mowing for the AM hours or at sundown. Sane people in our climes observe the siesta for good reason, not out of laziness.
Pierre Corneille says:

August 18, 2012 at 12:03 am

A friend of mine several years ago went running in 90-degree Chicago (read: humid!) weather. He was young and in very good shape, but got very bad heat exhaustion, and the kindness of strangers saved him. In short, it can happen to anyone.

I hope you feel better!
James C. says:

August 18, 2012 at 12:14 am

Don’t think you’re too old, Rod. Anyone who has lived around the Gulf Coast can understand. I used to live in Florida, and for months at a time I didn’t want to move outside. I felt like a nonagenarian in that sweltering air. And my dorm didn’t have AC. Phew.
Rod Dreher says:

August 18, 2012 at 12:26 am

Keep that in mind and save the lawn mowing for the AM hours or at sundown.

But … but … that’s when the mosquitos are out!

It takes about 45 minutes to mow my lawn, but man, I’m going to have to either do it really early, or in shifts, at least in the Louisiana summer. I have been plenty hot in my life, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so overheated that I soaked a shirt with sweat while sitting in a perfectly cool house. Very strange feeling, that.
AnotherBeliever says:

August 18, 2012 at 12:43 am

Yes, classic signs: racing heart, profuse sweating, dizziness. Mow for 20 minutes, rest in the air conditioning for 10 minutes, then finish, is probably what you are going to have to do, since mowing at dawn might annoy the neighbors. And don’t get dehydrated. Summer will break eventually. Hope you are feeling better!

And you and Louisiana can keep the mosquitoes and humidity. Not interested in either.
Fred says:

August 18, 2012 at 12:59 am

Be very careful. An LSU football booster – middle aged, good health – golfed 18 holes a couple of weeks ago, and had to go to the ER for heat exhaustion. He died the next day.

Google “Lionel Duhe Pilot Tiger”. His facebook page has a tragic entry right before his death where he talks about his heat exhaustion.
Surly says:

August 18, 2012 at 1:27 am

Only madmen and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun.
I’m really glad nothing else bad happened to you. I lived in Alabama for a year and being from the west coast where when it got hot the thermals kicked in and blew all the hot air away by dark and it cooled off a LOT I could never get used to the fact that it was virtually as hot at midnight as it was at noon.
James C. says:

August 18, 2012 at 1:43 am

Oh yes, the mosquitoes! Before I moved out of my apartment in Gainesville, Florida, I had to have the place repainted. Every entrance into the apartment necessitated a frantic round of mosquito splatting. You can imagine how the walls looked after a while! At least they were killable, unlike the giant cockroaches.

Rod, have you thought about taking some of your book windfall and springing for a riding lawnmower? That would solve your problem right there.

And if you really want to get crunchy, why not spring for a goat or a couple of sheep? They’ll cut your lawn and give you more besides! It’s a win-win-win.
The Mighty Favog says:

August 18, 2012 at 2:14 am

I’ve come close to heat exhaustion a time or two — but up here and not in Louisiana.

Fortunately, I caught myself early enough that going inside, getting some cold water and cooling off did the trick. What I learned from this is it’s probably a really stupid idea to start trimming the damn bushes when it’s in the upper 90s with nary a cloud in the sky.

My suggestion to you is to let your lovely bride plant your whole dadgum yard in perennials and vegetables — anything that doesn’t have to be mowed. For what little patches of grass that might remain, God has given you an almost-teenage son. Take advantage of him . . . er . . . teach him the value of hard work and the satisfaction of a yard well mowed.

Yeah, that’s the ticket.
M_Young says:

August 18, 2012 at 2:37 am

Here I’ll give it to the Mexicans — they are smart enough not to work in the midday sun. Take a siesta.

And another thing — you don’t want to be in shorts and a wife-beater. Long pants (old chinos are best) and long sleeve shirt — cotton chambray.
JoeMerl says:

August 18, 2012 at 3:38 am

Be careful! Might be better to try the early evening, when it’s cooler but before the mosquitoes come out. Feel better!
Elijah says:

August 18, 2012 at 6:28 am

Yes, do be careful. My wife (a farrier) suffered from heat exhaustion for the first time about a month ago, and she has found that since then she is more sensitive than ever to being out in the heat. She also needs a lot more salt.
MH - Secular Misanthropist says:

August 18, 2012 at 7:22 am

Sorry to hear about this. I can’t imagine the heat in Louisiana.

I need to mow my lawn too, but it always seems to be raining when I have free time.
Dan Davis says:

August 18, 2012 at 7:26 am

Please don’t tell us you’re using a Crunchy Con push mower!
BradleyP says:

August 18, 2012 at 8:11 am

When I have to do extensive yard work in the heat of the day, which I try to avoid but can’t always, I wear swim trunks and a t-shirt. Every 15-20 minutes my wife hoses me down. It works.
Rod Dreher says:

August 18, 2012 at 9:13 am

Please don’t tell us you’re using a Crunchy Con push mower!

Funny you should ask. When our power mower died in Dallas, Mrs. D — who does NOT mow the grass, I wish to point out — replaced it with one of those hippie mowers. I sucked it up and dealt with it. We didn’t have grass to mow in Philly, so we got rid of our hippie mower, but here in Louisiana, we have a decent size yard. Mrs. D., who has never lived in Louisiana and has damn sure never mowed grass here in this lush subtropical terrarium, went out and bought another damn hippie mower. As a certain Louisiana-born husband could have advised, had he been consulted in advance, using that thing is like trying to cut flank steak with a butter knife. We now have a power mower.
Rod Dreher says:

August 18, 2012 at 9:15 am

Rod, have you thought about taking some of your book windfall and springing for a riding lawnmower? That would solve your problem right there.

We live in town, and our lawn is too small to justify that kind of purchase. Alas.

And if you really want to get crunchy, why not spring for a goat or a couple of sheep? They’ll cut your lawn and give you more besides! It’s a win-win-win.

I’d love that … but we live in town, and you cannot have livestock here. Funny, but the laws in downtown Dallas permit chickens, but the laws in downtown St. Francisville (pop. 2,000) do not.
JonF says:

August 18, 2012 at 9:39 am

I had a mild case of heat exhaustion first summer I lived in Florida. Went to an outdoor dance party in late August and even though I kept well-hydrated with cold bottled water, I ended up feeling pretty whoozy, and didn’t feel right again for couple of days.

You must have a big yard if it takes that long to cut. My tiny little backyard takes about five minutes (longer if you count the time needed with the hand trimmers).
thomas tucker says:

August 18, 2012 at 10:48 am

Mighty Favog is right- why ain’t yore sons doin’ the mowin’?
I’ve got my 11 and 9 year olds cuttin’ my acre lot for their allowance!
sjay says:

August 18, 2012 at 11:00 am

I used a hippie mower on my backyard (cuttable in ten minutes) but last year I went full Crunch and replaced all the grass with a vegetable garden. The mosquitos are intense in there but REI has a great repellent that keeps them away if I take the trouble to put it on.

When I unloaded trucks for UPS during the very hot summer of 1988, I discovered that the way to cope with heat is to stay way ahead on the water consumption. Drink two glasses of water before even starting to work and keep a canteen at your side at all times. A fresh shirt to change into after shift is helpful for comfort — I could wring out my shirt after a shift and actually collect visible liquid.
SusanMcN says:

August 18, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Don’t knock the hippie mower! I used one in New Orleans and it was great–of course I had a small shotgun shack with a postage stamp yard. I HATED our power mower in Texas–it was so heavy to push and maneuver around and was in constant need of oil or gas or tinkering. Back to hippie mower for me now that we’re in the midwest. Best part is that because it is quiet, I can mow with the younguns’ outside or in the early hours of the morning.
btrv says:

August 18, 2012 at 5:15 pm

What kind of hat were you wearing? I wear a cowboy hat with ventilation holes in the crown. When you have air flow moving through it, it feels like ac. Also the wide brim keeps the sun off you and boiling your brain. My kids love it and think their dad is a cowboy. Even with proper head gear you have to pace yourself in the heat and humidity of south lousiana.
Mary Russell says:

August 18, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Well, I sympathize. Me, I’m slogging through a North Carolina summer whilst 36 weeks pregnant. Every time I have to walk down the block and back during the day I feel like planting the American flag in my front yard. My kids and I have been inside about as much as if it were February in Massachusetts these last few weeks.
Caroline says:

August 18, 2012 at 9:26 pm

How awful it must be not to live in San Francisco.
Don says:

August 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I know how you feel, Rod. I had a similiar south Louisiana experience a few weeks back. Played golf and tennis one day, and a couple of more sets of a competetive tennis game the next evening, apparently without proper rehydration from the day before. I tend to let my competitive spirit get the best of me and actually didn’t realize how spent I was until I was done. It took a day and a half for the headache to go away and to feel better. Hope you are good now – be careful!
Sands says:

August 19, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Get a cooling vest. They look dorky, but they work great.
Monterey says:

August 20, 2012 at 12:54 am

Sometime in the last 10 years, I started to get beet-red in the face whenever I would exert (as in hike) in the hot summer sun. It wasn’t always like that, but I guess as you discovered over time things can change. At least when the fam tells me ‘your face is so red!’ while I’m sweating after a long hike in the sun, I know it won’t last. But it looks goofy!