Says Matthew, who is 12: “Dad, I have some bad news. The state education department requires us to give a name to our homeschool as part of the registration. I suggested ‘Fort Awesomeshark Military Academy,’ but Mom decided on St. Benedict School.”

Dang! Hugely disappointing news. I have lodged a protest with the proper domestic tyranny authority on behalf of my client. We strongly believe that Fort Awesomeshark Military Academy is a much better name for our homeschool, and we are going to have T-shirts made to prove it.

Moms are so lame sometimes. In our rebel hearts, we will always be Fort Awesomesharkians.