Oh day of days! The 2012 Bulwer-Lytton winners have been announced. You know this contest: it seeks entries for the worst original fiction sentence of the year, and is named after the 19th century novelist responsible for “It was a dark and stormy night…”.
The 2012 overall winner is Cathy Bryant of Manchester, England, who wrote:
As he told her that he loved her she gazed into his eyes, wondering, as she noted the infestation of eyelash mites, the tiny deodicids burrowing into his follicles to eat the greasy sebum therein, each female laying up to 25 eggs in a single follicle, causing inflammation, whether the eyes are truly the windows of the soul; and, if so, his soul needed regrouting.
I loved this winner in the Fantasy category, by David Lippmann of Austin, Texas:
The brazen walls of the ancient city of Khoresand, situated where the mighty desert of Sind meets the endless Hyrkanean steppe, are guarded by day by the four valiant knights Sir Malin the Mighty, Sir Welkin the Wake, Sir Darien the Doughty, and Sir Yrien the Yare, all clad in armor of beaten gold, and at night the walls are guarded by Sir Arden the Ardent, Sir Fier the Fearless, Sir Cyril the Courageous, and Sir Damien the Dauntless, all clad in armor of burnished argent, but nothing much ever happens.