A word about my sister Ruthie
Back when I was doing my Beliefnet blog, I wrote often about my sister Ruthie Leming, who was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer at the age of 40. She was healthy, had never smoked, and had none of the risk factors. Yet, there she was, with a husband, three children, and a terminal diagnosis.
I wrote about her a lot, not only because I love her, but because the way she handled her diagnosis was absolutely extraordinary, and so full of grace. In one post I turned into a magazine article, I touched on this:
Local folks who came to see Ruthie would tell our family about things she had done for them that won their hearts. People began posting comments on my blog about ordinary kindnesses that, in retrospect, meant so much. A colleague of Ruthie’s remembered the time they were running in a race, and she fell; Ruthie stopped, picked her up, and hung back with her until the finish. Several recalled mercies she’d bestowed upon their difficult children as their teacher, out of her boundless patience. Ruthie’s class this school year has a reputation for bad behavior, and her teacher friends had asked her once how she could put up with the little terrors. She said to them, “Because I love them, and they might change.”
By week’s end, I could see that the fearlessness, the tranquility, and the big-heartedness with which my sister accepted her grim cancer diagnosis didn’t come from nowhere. She could be so marvelously brave in the face of her own mortality because she had lived her life by virtue. Virtue can be such a prissy word (ironic, that, given its roots in the Latin word for “manliness”), and Ruthie would no doubt roll her eyes at its being applied to her. But the quiet, modest life she’s lived at home illustrates Aristotle’s idea that virtue is a habit of the heart. That is, by “doing the right thing,” as she would put it, day in and day out, by persevering in charity and patience, and by rejecting anger, over time Ruthie became a woman of deep virtue, the greatness of which became fully apparent only in this crisis, not only in the measured fortitude with which she’s accepted this severe blow, but also in the way her friends and neighbors have responded.
That, by the way, has taught me something about the virtue of living in a real community. The outpouring – an eruption, really – of goodness and charity from the people of our town toward Ruthie and her family has been quite simply stunning. Folks tend to respond kindly when others get their ox in a ditch, as they say back home. But in Ruthie’s case, what’s happened here, and is happening every day, is a revelation. The acts of aid and comfort have been ceaseless, often reducing our parents to tears of shock and awe that the love of others could be so intense. Even two of Ruthie’s oncologists wept over her, one confiding to a colleague that he’d “fallen in love with that little family, and I’m going to give them my very best.” As a teacher told me, “Ruthie’s earned this. She’s drawing this out of people because of the way she’s lived her life, and the way she’s always treated others.”
I talked to her the other day, and knew from what my folks had been telling me that she was in steep decline. Losing weight, on oxygen again, in lots of pain. But if it hadn’t been for Mama and Daddy, who live next door to her, telling me these things, I would never have known. She never, ever complains. She mentioned to me that she had been dreaming lately of family members who had died. Our grandfather Dede. Our grandmother Mullay. Our Aunt Julia. She said they appeared to her in different dreams.
“Did they say anything to you?” I asked her.
“No, they just smiled,” she said.
“Do you think they were preparing you for something?”
“No, I didn’t get that sense.”
Of course she didn’t. Ruthie has so much hope for survival.
But she was wrong. They did come to prepare her. This morning Ruthie died at home.
It was sudden. I do not have details yet, but it appears it was a heart attack. If so, this was a kind of mercy, because now my poor sister will not have to endure the slow, suffocating death many lung cancer patients suffer. Nevertheless, she is gone, and so are our hearts. The day after her diagnosis, I lay in her bed at her house (she was in the hospital), crying and demanding an answer from God about why he would allow something this horrible to strike such a good woman. There was no answer, but at some point, I sensed a powerful presence of serenity in the room, and I understood that she would not survive this, but that there was purpose in the way in which she would die. I have faith in that. And I’m not weeping this morning, because I know as surely as I know anything that the way Ruthie Leming met her death was a testimony to life, and faith, and goodness. I know that the friends and family who walked with her this last year and a half can say the same — and their kindness and love to her and to her family is a beautiful, unforgettable thing. And above all, I have every faith that we have gained a powerful intercessor in heaven, and that in God’s mercy, we will all be reunited one day.
Please do remember our family in your prayers. Especially remember Ruthie’s children, Hannah, Claire and Rebekah (here is a memorable photo I took of Claire with her mother in the hospital the day after Ruthie’s diagnosis; Andrew Sullivan was kind enough to post it on his blog last year), and her husband Mike, a Bronze Star-winning Iraq veteran, a firefighter, and a very fine man of whom we are all so proud.
I will be blogging over the next few days as I can. As I will be traveling for the next day or so, I will not be able to approve posts regularly, so please be patient.
UPDATE: I’m writing from a flight to Baton Rouge. Thank you all for your prayers and generous wishes. When I was writing about Ruthie on my blog last year, she often would tell me how much it meant to her that total strangers were praying for her because they’d read about her on my blog. We even heard from someone in Turkey, and someone in Germany. This really did matter to her, and to my whole family.
I spoke to her doctor this morning while on the train to the airport, and he told me she died at home. As I suspected, it was some kind of coronary event, though they can’t say (yet) exactly what happened. This is what I feared would take her life; last year, when surgeons found the main tumor, it was wrapped around her superior vena cava, and was inoperable. The doctor told me that she passed quickly. Mike was at her side.
I am hearing that the whole town is in grief, especially the teachers and others at the school where she taught, and that she loved. I am not surprised. Ruthie loved this town, and the town loved her back. This is who they loved:
We then got to talking about all the amazing things people are doing for her and her family. There are two firefighter cookouts this weekend to raise money for her cancer fight. On April 10, they’re going to have Ruthie Leming Day in St. Francisville, and our friend and neighbor David Morgan is going to play a concert with his band. All kinds of great things are happening. Just yesterday, my folks had a visit from a friend and neighbor who said that she had been estranged for a long time from her sister, but reading on this blog about Ruthie’s experiences and wisdom, she contacted her sister and rebuilt that burned bridge. Over the weekend, a couple of family members from whom my family has been distant for the past few years came by, and my folks had a great visit with them. Healing took place, and thank God for it — all because our family members read the stories on this site about Ruthie, and were moved to reach out, God bless them. We keep hearing these stories, and they’re golden.
“Remember how you told me a couple of weeks ago that you believe you’re standing right where God wants you to be?” I said to her. “We will never know in this life what good will come from the people you inspired to mend fences with their loved ones. We can’t see God’s plan, but He has a plan.”
“That’s exactly it,” Ruthie said. “Rod, it seems like every single day the most interesting people are brought across my path.” And then she told a moving story about a suffering man she and Mike had met by apparent happenstance. They spent an hour with him, just listening to his story, and sharing their story. The whole thing, Ruthie said, was a blessing. She said she probably wouldn’t have been able to meet any of these people if not for her cancer.
“Rod, look at all I have. I mean, look at all I have! ” she said. “Okay, yeah, I have cancer. But I also have God. And I have my family. And I have all these friends, and all this love. It’s unbelievable how blessed I am.”
She went on like this, not quite saying that the cancer is a blessing (how could it be?!), but conveying the sense that her suffering with cancer has brought about so many epiphanies in her life — and, I would say, in the lives of others. There my sister is, in the crucible between life and death, fighting for her life against long odds, and she’s on top of the world, beaming, for everyone to see. Just praising God and loving everybody with all her heart, and giving thanks. Miracle is too strong a word, but only just.
So sorry to hear it Rod. My deepest condolences
I am so, so sorry. But glad that she died at home, and apparently peacefully. And so beautiful, that your forebearers were there to greet her.
It’s happened to three important people in my life over the last few years. Three really toweringly good men after lives of long public service, all committed Christians in fact.
I’m sure many people remember that picture. Prayers for your family.
It was stunning to read this. I’m very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry. I feel so bad for you and your family. God bless you and give you and your family strength for the future.
You have my deepest and most truly sincere sympathies. And it is small comfort but to die at home, among your loved ones, of a heart attack, is probably the best way any of us can hope to go.
I had planned on welcoming you back to blogging, and didn’t expect to read this. Much grace to you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing your sister with us. And while I know you have serenity, I am very sorry for your loss.
Rod, my condolences. I’ll be keeping you, and all of Ruthie’s family, in my prayers.
I am very sorry to hear this, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Eternal rest grant her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine on her, and may she rest in peace. Amen.
My Deepest Sympathy
Sept. 15th is Our Lady of Sorrows, I pray that you all can take some solace in knowing that your beloved Ruthie is now in the loving arms of our heavenly Mother.
Sorry for your family’s loss, Rod – I’ll pray for Ruthie and your family.
May eternal light shine upon your sister. I am praying for her husband, daughters and all Ruthie’s loved ones.
SAF
Rod — I am so sorry about the death of your sister. Your family is in my thoughts, especially Ruthie’s girls.
I’m sorry for your loss Rod. May God grant rest to your sister’s soul and may she find joy with the saints and angels in heaven.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Rod.
I think I read most of your former blog posts about Ruthie, and I recall being struck by how genuinely lovely she seemed as a person. My thoughts are with her children, husband, and your entire family today. God bless them.
Into thy hands, O merciful Savior, we commend thy servant Ruth, now departed from the body. Acknowledge, we, humbly beseech thee, O Lord, a sheep of thine own fold, a lamb of thine own flock, a sinner of thine own redeeming. Receive her into the arms of thy mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints in light.
Memory Eternal.
I’m very sorry about your sister’s situation. Re her being in lots of pain, wouldn’t it be wonderful if someone, some day invented a drug that would diminish these torments. We could call it, uh, morphine.
I am so, so sorry. But she knew that she was loved, not just by her fantastic family but by thousands of others, including those like me who never got to meet her but knew her through you. Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and may the Perpetual Light shine upon her. May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Many prayers for your family at this time. God bless.
Lord have mercy, Rod. Lord have mercy on your sister. Lord have mercy on her family and friends. Eternal memory.
I am very sorry for your loss. During the time you were not blogging, I often wondered about Ruthie because as soon as you mentioned her illness on your last blog, I added her to my St. Jude list and she has often received our prayers. I will pray for her soul and for her family.
God bless you, your family, and especially Ruthie’s family, during this season of sorrow.
Memory eternal. Thanks for sharing with us a life well lived.
I am so sorry to hear that Rod. My thoughts and prayers for you and your entire family.
I, too, sorrow for you. May you know the comforts and hope of faith, and the so-obvious treasure of memory of your sister’s virtue and faithfulness.
Rod: Tremendously sorry for your loss.
So sorry to hear about your sister, though glad she didn’t have to suffer any longer. Blessings and God’s grace on your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Rod. I had often wondered about Ruthie and how she was doing since you stopped blogging last year. I’ll be praying for you and your family.
Requiescat in pace. You and your family will be in my prayers. And yes, thanks for sharing her struggle with us. I hope her husband and children find comfort in the prayers from your readers.
Oh Rod, I am so sorry to hear this. Your sister and her family will be in our prayers as they have been. Many times over the last year and a half that you have been blog-less, I have wondered about Ruthie. What a blessing that the timing of your return to the blogosphere allows us, your readers, to share your burden in some small way. Ruthie and her family will be bathed in prayer, I am sure.
I am so sorry. Thank you for the gift of sharing about your sister. She was an amazing woman. I think often of the picture of Claire and her mother. It is one of the most beautiful images I have ever seen.
My deepest sympathies. I loved hearing about your sister and what great strength she had. You were lucky to have such a great spirit in your life. My thoughts are with her daughters and husband, as well as the rest of the family
My thoughts and prayers are with your family. Thank you for sharing her story.
I’m so sorry to hear that your sister has died. I am very grateful for your willingness to allow us to share in your journey. The grace your sister has exuded throughout this ordeal has been a blessing to me.
Rod, I am so sorry to hear this. I had often thought of Ruthie during your hiatus from blogging and wondered how she was doing. My prayers are with your family and especially with Ruthie’s husband and children.
No sooner had I read the earlier post than this one came up. I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers will continue for your family. May you all feel God’s love most deeply in the coming days and weeks.
My heart is with you, Rod. I will remember Ruthie in my prayers, particularly my prayers before the Altar. May God bless her, cleanse her, and bring her into the fullness of His Kingdom, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Oh, my virtual friend, I embrace you.
My her memory be eternal, and may those who mourn be comforted.
So sorry to hear about your sister. She will be in my prayers
we are so sorry–god bless you and your family.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your sister. Through your blogs, her goodness and influence have been spread to many more people than those who knew her personally.
Rod, so sorry about your loss, my family will keep your whole family in our prayers, what I learned about your sister from the blog was incredibly inspiring, God Bless
Thanks everyone for your kind words and prayers. I’ve just updated this post, if you’re interested.
Memory eternal. Prayers for your whole family.
I’m so, so sorry Rod. I will keep your family in my prayers.
Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your
servant Ruth. Acknowledge, we humbly beseech you, a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your own redeeming. Receive him into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the
glorious company of the saints in light.
Rod,
Like so many others, I’m sorry to hear this news. I always found it a slightly strange sensation, on your old blog, to be so moved by stories of the sister I’d never met of a man I don’t know — and then, from time to time over the last year or so, to be struck by a sudden, unprompted concern for her — and a desire to know that she was doing well.
I say that somewhat as a preface to the following: there is a line in the Jewish Mourner’s Kaddish (it shows up in variants of this prayer that are not specifically for mourners, also) that expresses the desire to “Bless His great Name beyond any blessing … spoken on earth.” It’s a troubling line because it’s an impossible line — even more so at the moment of loss. How does one bless (in Judaism, a specifically verbal act) beyond the spoken blessing? I’ve been puzzling over it quite a bit for the last few months. As I’ve done so, from time to time, my mind has wandered back to what little I know of your sister and her struggle.
J.L.: “Life remains a blessing/Although you cannot bless.” — Auden.
Thanks, man.
My prayers and deepest sympathy to you and your family.
Rod,
I am so very saddened by this news! And just a week ago I was greatly heartened by word that she was holding her own.
I have prayed for your sister and all your family regularly despite the lack of news during your Templeton sojourn. Tonight I will light the candles in my icon corner and say a different prayer.
And take as much time as you to get back to us. We don’t matter. Your family does.
Memory Eternal!
Jon
I’m so sorry for your loss, Rod, and for the loss of all of Ruthie’s family and friends.
She sounded like a remarkable woman.
Our deepest sympathies. It is good to read about her, to have her example to counterbalance the worldly attitudes that surround and seduce us daily. We’ll remember all of you in our prayers tonight.
May she Requiem im Pacem my friend.
Dear Rod, Ruthie has been on my mind a lot lately, as she has been in my prayers for much longer. Of course, I didn’t know her – only of her through you – but what a portrait you gave us and not only through your words but with The Photograph. Little Claire had the right idea as the gazed upon her mother with eyes that wouldn’t let go.
I’m not surprised at all about the report you gave us (in the next post) of her gentle heart, strong in mercy.
There are no words anybody can say to alleviate the sorrow.
For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
And especially upon the Drehers and the Lemings.
Memory Eternal.
My deepest condolences to you and to your family, Rod. May Ruthie rest in peace and Memory Eternal. Prayers for the repose of her soul, which I am sure is with the Lord.
Rod, may the choirs of angels come to lead her to Paradise. May the Lord comfort you and all who love her. And may His Holy Mother nurture and comfort her children.
RIP Ruthie. I’m so sorry Rod.
My sincere condolences, Rod. I will offer her and her family up in my prayers this evening.
Rod, I’m so sorry to hear this. May God comfort you and your family and may her memory be eternal!
Memory Eternal!
And prayers for all!
I’m so sorry, Rod. God rest her soul. And God Bless her family.
Rod, my deepest condolences to you and your family. Judging from everything you’ve written about her, your sister was a wonderful woman. May she be at peace, and her memory live in the hearts of all who loved her.
Rod, I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you and your family.
I dreamed of my parents after they died earlier this year. (My dad died suddenly at home; my mother, who’d been ill for years, died a few weeks later.) It was a great comfort seeing them, and knowing they’re at peace; but I still miss them, as I’m sure you miss your sister.
Take time now to be with your family. We’ll be here whenever you’re ready to come back.
Rod, I was in complete shock to hear that Ruthie passed this morning. Our parish is definitely griefing along with Mike, the girls, your sweet parents. You will all continue to be in our prayers.
Rod, I’ve known Ruthie since we moved to St. Francisville 15 years ago. She taught my son in middle school. When my daughter had cancer at age 10 nearly 10 years ago, Ruthie and her family were so kind to us during our time of need.
However, I also knew Ruthie as a Christian woman, a person who taught by quiet, yet profound example. To paraphrase 2 Timothy, she fought the good fight and she finished her course with dignity and courage. She has transitioned through death to the next life and she will be missed by many, many people who knew her. God bless your family during this time of mourning, and take solace in knowing that Ruthie’s love will live on through our wonderful memories of her.
Prayers ascending. May the Lord bless each of you, keep you, make his face shine upon you, and grant you peace beyond understanding in all the days ahead. Kyrie eleison.
prayers around you, Ruthie, your family and all those who knew & loved her.
O Master, Lord our God Almighty, who willest that all men should be saved and should come to a knowledge of the truth; who desirest not the death of a sinner, but that he should turn again and be saved: We pray thee and beseech thee, deliver thou the soul of thy servant, Ruthie., from every bond, free it from every curse. For thou art he who delivereth them that are bound, and guideth aright them that are cast down, O Hope of the hopeless. Wherefore, O Master, command that the soul of thy servant, Ruthie, may depart in peace, and may rest in thine everlasting mansions with all thy Saints; through thine Only-begotten Son, with whom thou art blessed, together with thine all-holy, and good, and life-giving Spirit, now, and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.
I’m so terribly sorry to hear this, Rod. The fight that she put up, and your obvious love and admiration in retelling it, was truly inspiring. You and your family have my deepest sympathies.
I am very sorry for your loss. Thank you for telling us her story as she made her way through this illness. That story is a gift, and may we be worthy to receive it. Her husband and children are especially in my thoughts. May her memory be eternal.
Oh my dear. Her passing is heartbreaking. Her approach to her life and death is heartbreakingly tender. Thank you for sharing stories of this precious light with us.
Thoughts and prayers for all her family and the grieving community.
I’m sorry, Rod. You don’t know me and I don’t know your family–and yet, you are my favorite daily writer–and through your words, I’ve come to know you. In this case it doesn’t feel false to offer up my condolences in this combox. Be with your family. Though we are grateful for the updates, don’t worry about us. We’ll be here when you get back.
Through High School I never saw Ruthie without a smile she was one of the sweetest people I have ever known. When I learned of the Cancer I wondered why such a sweet person would get this disease but I never question but knew God would use it for positive. I have prayed every night since her diagnosis for her Mike and the kids and will continue. Rod you have a very special Sister and I cant wait to see that smile again when I get to Heaven.
Ruthie has fought the good fight, finished the race, kept the faith, testified through adversity to the good news of God’s grace. May her daughters, their father and their uncle draw courage from her memory and example in the days and weeks ahead.
So sorry, Rod. I’m praying for you, your parents, and especially Mike and the girls. Thank you for sharing Ruthie’s story.
Memory eternal dear brother in Christ. We will be offering our prayers for her and your family.
Give rest, O Lord, to the souls of Thy departed servant, Ruthie, and solace and strength to those who grieve her departure from this mortal plain.
I am one of Ruthie’s students from Bains Elementary back in our hometown of St. Francisville.
I am now 29 and can say Ruthie has been such a great friend to me over the years. I am a small town girl who went to the U.S. Navy to get away but never lost touch with your wonderful sister. She told me when I was in the 6th grade that despite what was going on at home: having an alcoholic father, low income, and no support, that despite that, I could be whatever I wanted to be. Her smile, her words, and her hugs were enough. I took that with me and I am doing exactly what I want with my life as a MFT working for UCLA now.
I was able to chat with Ruthie a few weeks ago and she told me how proud she was of me.
Ruthie I believe was an angel sent from God to help people like me to give encouraging words and you knew she meant it! She will forever be my angel.
Rod, I’m so sorry to hear about Ruthie. I’ll be praying for you and your family over the coming days. I’m always cautious to speak anything into a place of grief, but what sprang to mind was the words “hope does not disappoint us.” I looked them up and found they are from Romans 5: “Hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” It sounds like this is the sort of hope that enabled your sister to continue living even while she was dying and I think it is the kind of hope that makes room for the faith to believe in being reunited one day, as you wrote above.
I’m sorry for your grief, Rod, but grateful for the gift of faith and consolation that God gave to Ruthie in her last months and to you and your family. May Christ continue to bless you all.
Rod,
I don’t know you and didn’t know Ruthie, but we love some of the same people, Melanie Dreher Bare and her family. And our family is lifting up in prayer Ruthie and all those who knew and loved her. As a mother of 3 daughters also, my heart aches for them, but believes they were blessed to have had Ruthie as their mother for however long it was. May they continue to be blessed. Our sincere condolences to all of you.
Ruthie and my mom meet just a little over and year and a half ago at the doctors office when my Mother was fighting lung cancer. I had Know Mrs. Ruthie through my children who had her in school. On April, 8th 2010 we were all there at the doctor’s office for another treatment. Unfortunatly my mom was to sick to get one and her time was nearing a end. Mrs. Ruthie seeing the pain in my heart and eyes came over and hugged me and told me that she was praying for all of us. She was praying for us and my family was praying for her and hers. My heart acheso badly for the family only because I know that you will miss the physical person in your life. The memories we all have will need to be share and there is no greater pride than to know how lives were touch, changed and improved all by one Godly Lady. One person made a difference in thousands of people’s lives and if she didn’t change yours than you have missed one of the greatest treasures that walked this earth. I know that the impact that she made on me was profound. God bless you all and thank you all for sharing that treasure with the world, me and my family.
I, too, lost a sister in her 40s, who, in spite of having had quite a difficult, sad life, never complained about the additional burden of the illness which I think she knew would eventually claim her. May someday I have the grace that she and Ruthie showed if I am faced with the same struggle.
I will pray for your and Ruthie’s family at Adoration tonight.
Sincerest condolences. I read about Ruthie in your earlier posts and always hoped for the best. Rod’s frank and compassionate reports of the family struggles were powerful. Ruthie demonstrated a tremendous strength – and humanity – in the face of great hardship. Everyone who was close to her must recognize that she was an inspiration for others with similar difficulties. That’s something to be proud of and always remember.
Eternal rest, grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them her. May they she rest in peace. Amen.
“Those who are dead, are not dead…..they’re just living in our heads’
Peace to you and your family.
Rod,
I don’t regularly read your blog, and I’m not sure if you’ll even see this comment amidst your many others, but when Andrew Sullivan posted news of your sister’s diagnosis a while back I remember being struck with your sister’s courage and your own honesty with your grief. Now hearing that Ruthie has passed away, I just wanted to share how truly sorry I am for your loss. Death is never easy. All we can do is ask for God’s eternal grace in a world that doesn’t make it apparent. God bless to you and yours.
Rod, You are so right. This entire town is in mourning. Your sister was an amazing person. We are deeply saddened for you and your parents, for Mike and the girls, and we are sad for ourselves because we will all miss her beautiful smile and her spirit that brought out the best in all of us. We have all been blessed by her. May her example of strength and dependence on God be what gets you all through the next few days and in all the days that follow.
“Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.”
Mr. Dreher,
Your sister seems to have been an exceptional mother.
Nothing can be done or said right now that might assuage your family’s sorrow.
But I will promise you something for the future.
I promise you that eventually, in the years to come, the consequences of your sister’s love and care for her children, and the quality of the wisdom she brought to bear on being a mother, will be increasingly clear in the lives and personalities of her children.
The love and goodness in you sister’s heart will survive her death in very real and tangible ways.
While this will never diminish the loss of your sister, it will demonstrate that what was best in your sister, what you most loved in your sister, didn’t disappear when she died, but continues to live with and among her family.
May God grant you and your family patience and strength.
I’m sorry Rod, for your loss. God be with you and your family. I will be praying for you all.
Thank you for sharing your sister’s journey with us all. It’s been a huge blessing to me.
Rod I’m so sorry for you and your families lost. She was a very strong and vibrate woman and her memories will always live on..
Condolences, Rod. Having lost a dearly loved elder sister to lupus in ’93, I know your pain.
So very sorry and sad for you. xo
I’m sorry for your loss Mr. Dreher. I wish your family the best.
What a remarkably inspiring woman! May she rest in peace, and may God comfort you and your family in your grief.
I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. You and your family are in my prayers.
I am sorry for your lose and will pay for the repose of Ruthie’s soul and for her family. (BTW, prayers are coming from Afghanistan.)
a brother in Christ.
As I sit and read this I am filled with tears. My husband and Mike were stationed in Iraq together. Ruthie’s constant positive outlook, the way she treated others and the way her family meant everything to her were a true inspiration.
Very, very sorry for your loss, Rod. My grandmother died of cancer and my aunt suffered through it. I’m sending you my thoughts & prayers.
Rod, Julie,
May her memory be eternal!
And you just know that Vladyka Dmitri was there to greet her (probably with a cup of that mud he and NO calls coffee!)
Rod, I am truly sorry for your loss. Ruthie was a sweet person, as I remember her from high school. My condolances to Mike and Ruthie’s whole family.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your sister Ruthie sounds like a remarkable person. May God comfort both you and your family and give all of you peace.
You have my prayers and condolences, Rob. I will remember Ruthie in my Mass and prayers.
Sorry for your loss..RIP Ruthie
Rod, you do not know me but your sweet sister, Ruthie, was my chemo buddy. We were both Wednesday girls. We both received our chemo on Wednesdays. I remember the day we met at the oncologist’s office. We struck up a quick friendship. I think that happened a lot with Ruthie. We both were in our early forties with three children and battling cancer, hers lung and mine Hodgkin’s. I cannot begin to tell you how much I have grown to love your sister and how uplifting she was to me during my fight. The conversations we had during our chemo hours made the time feel like minutes. Our faith and our God always there with us. I prayed constantly that we would both have good outcomes and always believed that. She let me know that she was also praying for me. I found out that I was in remission in June. Ruthie was still fighting to get there. There is a certain amount of survivor guilt I felt because I had received good news and Ruthie had not received her good news yet. I had a hard time finding the courage to tell her my good news even though I knew how happy she would be for me….her response was “thank you so much for telling me, your news uplifts me so.” Even though I completed my chemo, our friendship continued. As my heart breaks for all of our loss of this incredible woman, my life is so much richer for having known her. She is now a saint in heaven smiling down on us. I wanted to share my story with you to let you know that I will never forget your sweet sister, Ruthie.
Rob, we are related on the Dreher side and I got to know Ruthie when
I was working with Melanie. You are so right about the love she gave and the love she received from the people of our area and beyond. I just lost my Mom (who was a Dreher) last year and I know that Ruthie is having a Dreher reunion right now. I will continue to pray for you all. God Bless.
May the Lord give you and your whole family peace, courage and strength during this difficult time. You will see your sister again in the Resurrection, when all tears will be wiped away and death will be no more.
Your commenter JL Wall expressed my feelings perfectly: “I always found it a slightly strange sensation, on your old blog, to be so moved by stories of the sister I’d never met of a man I don’t know — and then, from time to time over the last year or so, to be struck by a sudden, unprompted concern for her — and a desire to know that she was doing well.” I had never heard of your blog until Andrew Sullivan published a link to your first post about your sister. Since then, I have checked frequently for news about Ruthie, always hoping for the best. When Andrew published the news today about her death, I felt as if the air had been punched out of me. Ruthie was clearly a remarkable woman, one that the world is far poorer without. An untimely loss like hers, and the accompanying devastation to her beautiful daughters, is why I can never believe in a God of any kind. A God that was truly loving and powerful wouldn’t do this to his faithful follower, or her innocent family. But I do want to wish you and your family the love, peace and strength you’ll need to deal with such a profound loss. Thank you for sharing Ruthie’s story and I hope your undoubtedly many happy memories of her will sustain you in the days and years ahead.
From everyone in Dallas, our condolences. Thoughts and prayers are with your whole family.
My prayers go out for Ruthie, for you and your family.
I am so sorry for your loss. May Ruthie’s memory be eternal.
My thoughts and prayers are with you,your family, and Ruthie’s family. She was my high school classmate and she will be deeply missed.
MEMORY ETERNAL RUTHIE. I sing this with sorrow that she is gone and gratitude that her death was merciful. I pray with all my heart for her dear husband and daughters who have lost her, their shining light. I pray for you and your family and parents. Memory Eternal.
I am so sorry.
Rod, my words cannot add more than has been said by friends and strangers, so I would like to offer the most beautiful music I know of at this time of grief, and, yes, celebration.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-i1ESIRKdA
[...] The American Conservative | Rod [...]
I’m so sorry, Rod. Really truly.
( I had thought about Ruthie from time to time during your blogging hiatus and held her in the Light, wondering how she was doing. Now I will do the same for her family and yours.
Urg. That smilie in my post is supposed to be a sad face. I don’t know how to go fix it — it looks so inappropriate as is. Sorry.
I am so sorry for the entire family. I did not know Ruthie, but I do know Hannah. Our prayers are with all of you.
Rod, I’m sorry for your loss.
Rod, I’m so sorry. We’ve savoured your posts about Ruthie — in some small way she can now be known and loved by thousands more.
Thank you for introducing us, and she will be in all our prayers.
I was so sorry to learn of Ruthie’s death. She shined through your posts as a truly wonderful person. My condolences to you and your family.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve also wondered how she was doing. I’m glad her pain at the end was cut mercifully short.
[...] She died on Sept. 15 this year. More than 1,000 people signed the guest book at the funeral, Dreher reported. Mike, her husband who had wrenched his back trying to perform C.P.R. on her, stood for hours by the open coffin as people filed past. Since Ruthie liked to go barefoot, the pallbearers took off their shoes, rolled up their pants and carried the coffin to the grave in bare feet. [...]
[...] She died on Sept. 15 this year. More than 1,000 people signed the guest book at the funeral, Dreher reported. Mike, her husband who had wrenched his back trying to perform C.P.R. on her, stood for hours by the open coffin as people filed past. Since Ruthie liked to go barefoot, the pallbearers took off their shoes, rolled up their pants and carried the coffin to the grave in bare feet. [...]