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Toxic Theory Ate Her Brain

Patriarchy-hating feminist denounces self, reconciles to dating dude in dress
A man in a dress repairing a truck

The Guardian, the voice of the liberal British cultural establishment, is rocking the crazy here. In this case, Emily Halnon discusses her boyfriend’s decision to wear a wedding dress to their wedding. You see, her Ian likes lady’s clothing:

On the first weekend we hooked up, I had to yank a green sparkly dress over his head to unclothe him. Foreplay involved palming his glittery glutes while dancing to Kesha’s Woman and caressing his furry thigh along a hemline so tight you could almost see the outlines of each and every hair follicle beneath it.

“That was the first time I’ve undressed a man – from a dress!” I shrieked the next morning. My palms slapped the concrete countertop as I regaled my housemate Eli with stories from the night before.

“Oh girl, what an exciting milestone! Congratulations!” hollered Eli, an effervescent gay man who dons many dresses himself and is supportive of any man excited to do the same.

Intellectually, I enjoyed that Ian was rejecting gender norms and expectations. But physically, my desire didn’t match.

Those feelings illuminated some unanticipated boundaries of where I define attractiveness in men and when I still crave traditional masculinity. I realized I wanted less dress and more flannel shirts, trucker hats and sandstone Carhartts.

When we left the store that day, Ian had a big bundle of wedding dress and I had some big questions to consider.

And:

When I started hanging out with Ian and he immediately wanted to talk about feelings, it was a gulp of ice-cold lemonade on a 98-degree day. I’d been craving this vulnerability and openness from the men I dated. Conversations like that one in the car drew me to him like a charged magnet, as did hisemotional openness, his fondness for communication, and his public displays of affection for close male friends.

My boyfriend’s wedding dress pushed me to perform a scrupulous inventory of my deepest ideas about masculinity and helped me identify my shortfalls as a woman who wants to help rewrite gender norms. As I went through this exercise, I chatted with a handful of girlfriends about it, who could all identify their own small hang-ups with masculinity: their need for men who are bigger and taller than they are, or who are better than them at sports, or who don’t cry in front of them.

As we interrogated our feelings about masculinity, we recognized gaps between our ideals and reality. I’m quick to blame men for perpetuating toxic behavior, but in this case, I, the woman, was part of the problem.

Read it all.

Who’s going to tell Emily the truth about Ian?

Identity politics and critical theory have done a number on this poor girl’s head. “As we interrogated our feelings about masculinity…” Well, gosh. I found a short author’s profile of her on a feminist website. It says, “She could do without the patriarchy.” That’s how you end up married to a dude in a dress.

Imagine being a society ruled by a cultural elite so rich and decadent that this kind of thing is considered a virtue.

In a few years, when Ian decides to cut his weenus off and undertake a transition, either the Guardian or The New York Times will be there to publish Emily’s celebratory op-ed.

UPDATE: I read the piece incorrectly in one respect: she didn’t marry this weirdo; he just wore a wedding dress because he’s into it. Still, the main point holds.

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