Harvard Man, Ross Douthat is the latest hire for The New York Times. Naturally his biggest fan, Robert Stacy McCain is celebrating:

(Gritted teeth.) Congratulation, Ross! We’re all so excited for you!

Now excuse me while I go swallow a bottle of sleeping pills, wash it down with a quart of Chlorox, slash my wrists, get in the car, drive to the Bay Bridge, shoot myself through the head, and crash through the guard-rail to the water below.